Pregnant

P.R.E.G.N.A.N.T. those letters put together the scariest word of all. My Army Boy is being amazing and he is thrilled to be a dad. For me, this is a scary time. I am scared of losing the baby. I am scared of being a bad mom. I am scared of so many things. In so many ways this is like a second chance for me to be what I know I am. I am a good person, I can be a good mom, I know I can. Now I have that chance and I am worried about messing up my kid. I am worried that I will not be what I think I am.

Raising a child is a big deal to me. I have two kids who hate me right now because I did what I thought was right for all of us. This is my second chance to be the mom I know I can be. The mom that I know I am. Fear can help me not make the mistakes that I have made before, but it can also paralyze me. My Army Boy will be a great dad for sure. I know that he will help me and be there. I have been praying because I know that with God I can do this. I am scared. I am worried. These will help me.

Well, I am going to run, Ciao!

Tuesday

I have to admit that today was both good and bad for me. Good because I know that by this time next week I will have my new bed. Can we say YAY!! Bad because I have had the migraine from hell and because I am pregnant I can’t take my usual medication for it. Sigh. I don’t have any Tylenol, which is all I can take right now.

I am excited about the new bed because I hate the one I have now. I am just really tired and in a lot of pain, so this is all for today. Ciao!

Today

Today has not been a great day for us. I am fine, but Army Boy got some news he knew was coming but it still frustrated him. In the National Guard as well as Active Duty Army, to get to go to school, you have to pass a weight and tape as well as a PT test. He failed the weight and tape today. The thing is we both knew he would fail, but it is still frustrating for him. So now he won’t be going to school for combat medic until sometime next year. Next month is the AT (annual training) which is two weeks long. I am not looking forward to that, but at least we both have cell phones and will be able to talk. I felt terrible for him today when he called and told me.

But as I said, he knew he would fail it today. The thing is that by next month if he works hard enough he could pass it. But they still pulled him out of line for school. The Army and the state of Kentucky both have suspended tuition assistance for the Army National Guard and Active Duty because of the federal budget issues. I have no words for this because I am so angry. This Administration has no respect or regard for the troops, both active duty and National Guard.I could go on and on, but I am not one to force my politics on anyone. Let’s just say that I am not impressed with the government right now and think that a lot of things need to change and quickly.

I am tired today. As usual. I need to run. Ciao!

Love Is

Before I met my Army Boy, I never really understood what love was. Getting to know him was the first time I discovered that I had never been in love with anyone. I know that sounds harsh, but it is true. Life is so much better for me these days. People used to tell me that I would one day be happy and I would understand true happiness. I used to laugh and say that I was not made to be happy. But I was and I am. I now understand what those people were trying to tell me.

I grew up in less that ideal circumstances, I have spoken about that as well. But I have found that I have risen above that. I am pregnant and I am happy about that. Looking forward to the second chance this is giving me. My chance to prove that I am a good mom, no matter what anyone thinks of me. People who know the situation with me and my kids in Florida, don’t understand how hard it is on me. How I wish it was different. But I have to play the hand that was dealt to me for now. Yes, some of it is my doing and I have to live with that every single day. I would never say that I am not responsible for my share of that situation, but I did what I did for the good of the kids.

Some people may not agree and some people may look down on me, but walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me on what you think I feel. I don’t always wear my feelings or emotions on my sleeve because sometimes it is just too painful. So, I may be smiling but inside is a different story. No one can judge me but God. I will answer for my sins and misdeeds then. I try to do right, sometimes it is hard. No one said life would be easy I suppose and mine has not been. It has gotten easier lately and I found my happiness finally. Do I have regrets and sorrows? Yeah, I do. A lot of them, but I have to keep moving forward with life.

I am loving my life and I am in love with my Army Boy. I am happy. I never thought I would say those words and mean them. But I do mean them.

So Much Going On

It has been so long since I have written here. So much has been going on with us. I finally got to order a new bed for us. Found a great deal on Overstock.com . It is a really nice bed, so much better than the one we have now. It was a lot cheaper than I had thought it would be, so that is always good!

BIG changes in the wind for us here. Army Boy and I are thrilled with them, a little scared too though. He is supposed to be away this summer for school with the National Guard here. It will be hard, because it is four months with him gone. I know I will get through this.

School is good. Life is wonderful. When I can talk about it more, I will. I gotta run for now. Ciao!