Friday, March 8, 2013

Love Is

Before I met my Army Boy, I never really understood what love was. Getting to know him was the first time I discovered that I had never been in love with anyone. I know that sounds harsh, but it is true. Life is so much better for me these days. People used to tell me that I would one day be happy and I would understand true happiness. I used to laugh and say that I was not made to be happy. But I was and I am. I now understand what those people were trying to tell me.

I grew up in less that ideal circumstances, I have spoken about that as well. But I have found that I have risen above that. I am pregnant and I am happy about that. Looking forward to the second chance this is giving me. My chance to prove that I am a good mom, no matter what anyone thinks of me. People who know the situation with me and my kids in Florida, don’t understand how hard it is on me. How I wish it was different. But I have to play the hand that was dealt to me for now. Yes, some of it is my doing and I have to live with that every single day. I would never say that I am not responsible for my share of that situation, but I did what I did for the good of the kids.

Some people may not agree and some people may look down on me, but walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me on what you think I feel. I don’t always wear my feelings or emotions on my sleeve because sometimes it is just too painful. So, I may be smiling but inside is a different story. No one can judge me but God. I will answer for my sins and misdeeds then. I try to do right, sometimes it is hard. No one said life would be easy I suppose and mine has not been. It has gotten easier lately and I found my happiness finally. Do I have regrets and sorrows? Yeah, I do. A lot of them, but I have to keep moving forward with life.

I am loving my life and I am in love with my Army Boy. I am happy. I never thought I would say those words and mean them. But I do mean them.

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