Advice to Others

Seems like there are tons of articles and books on how to make a relationship last. It seems to me that it would be pretty easy to know what you need to do, if not this post is for you! These are what I have found in my relationships from my past and current one. So here we go, my 9 tips for a lasting relationship.

1. Respect: This is first and foremost with any relationship, if the respect is not there, that relationship will not last.
2. Similar Values: While you can make relationships work with different value sets, I have found that to not be true with me. So, for example if you are a church going person, you need to be sure your SO (significant other) is one too. I am not saying that it will absolutely not work, because in my experience it has not, but I do know people who make it work.
3. Laugh Together: The more good times and funny things that you have in your relationship, the bad times when they happen will be easier to get through and it will also help you realize that the relationship is worth fighting for. For example: This is a conversation that happened between my Army Boy and I yesterday…

Playing WoW (World of Warcraft) Me: Can you take my Druid up to the Scarlet Monastery for the dungeon up there please?

Army Boy: Sure how far can she fly up there?

Me: Um, Ironforge ( which is not very far at all)

Army Boy: It’s going to be a loooooong run…..

Me: I know, I am sorry, she ( my druid) has not been here at all before.

Army Boy: Later in the run up… Okay, you can kill this guy…

Me: Um, no,it’s your job to be my taxi and the one that kills everything..

Army Boy: What are you going to do then?

Me: sit here and look pretty…

He cracked up and of course that made me laugh like crazy too…

4. Do Little Things for Each Other: When I was working at Kroger, my Army Boy had a nice hot bath running for me when I got home and would make dinner for me. When he got home from AT (Annual Training) for the National Guard, I had a welcome home dinner for him.. to show him  how much I missed him while he was gone!

5. Love Each Other: I know it sounds easy to do, but honestly loving someone when you are pissed off at them or annoyed with them is very hard! For example, when I have annoyed Army Boy, he will still rub my feet or back if I ask and sometimes if I don’t ask.

6. Talk/Listen to Each Other: This is truly the key to having a lasting relationship and perhaps the hardest part for people to do. Opening up yourself to another person is very hard, at least it was for me. I had to seek counseling about it because I was not able to do so. Listening to your SO is another key, no matter what they are saying is not easy as well. I always try to live by ‘ Say what you mean and mean what you say’. Be clear about what you are trying to say to your SO, they are not mind readers, if you want them to realize something, you need to state it plainly.

7. Fight Fair: This kind of goes with #6, if you do end up fighting about something that was said, do not pull out every single mean and nasty thing you can possibly say about your SO because honestly that will not get the issue solved and it will make it worse. I was in a relationship like that and it was so hard on me because I knew if we fought it would be brutal and I would shut down totally and not want to talk to the person. Say what you need to say, but find a non combative way to say it.

8. Apologize: If you said something that hurt your SO or you were wrong, 2 words can go a long way to making things right again. I’m sorry. Not the most easily said 2 words, but it helps soothe the hurts. However, do not over use because after a while it does not mean much to the other person. Also, no one likes to be wrong, and if you are apologize before it creates resentment in the relationship. I have been there and it sucks. The other person I am speaking of, never apologized ….EVER. It got to the point that I was resentful and lost respect for them.

9. A Little Understanding Goes a Long Way: Being understanding when your SO is having a bad day goes a very long way to keeping a relationship together. When I am not feeling well or I am cranky, Army Boy does what he can to help me through that time. I snap and bite his head off, but he realizes that I will be better soon and he loves me through it. It is not easy by any means…

So those are my tips for a lasting relationship… Have anything to add or disagree with it? Leave it in the comments..

Happy, Happy, HAPPY!!!!

One of my favorite comedians is Jeff Dunham, who actually is a ventriloquist. He has a puppet named Peanut and when I read the title to this entry I hear Peanut’s voice. It makes me smile. Yes, there is a difference between happy and HAPPY, at least there is in my mind anyway. Happy is when you are looking forward to the new day to se what like has in store for you, good or bad. HAPPY is when you have everything you need and realize for the very first time, that this is what life is supposed to be like. I am both happy and HAPPY today. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would be both at the very same time. I was honestly aiming for happy and slid head long into HAPPY, which honestly, is just fine by me.

It took so long to find happy that I honestly did not expect to find HAPPY along the way. Happy was going to be a-okay with me. Life had other plans for me and I am so glad that it did! I love my life these days, of course, I gave up a lot to be both happy and HAPPY, but honestly I don’t miss a single thing. These days, I am laughing and smiling and finding inner peace I never knew I had. All because I made one change, okay really two and yes, they were kind of big, but I did not mind one bit.

The first change was that I got rid of people in my life who did not lift me up. It was hard, because I had been with some of these people for a long time. But it was time to move forward and I did. Yeah, it was scary leaving behind the known and setting sail for the unknown, but kind of thrilling too. I also moved to a place that made me happy. That was the BIG one. I left a place I had come to love for an unknown, untested place. It worked out splendidly actually and I am happy here and I totally love my new state.

I have a man who loves me, cherishes me, takes care of me, who will make a fool of himself to see me smile and laugh. Yeah, HAPPY is a great place to live these days. I am glad I took that scary leap and changed my life for the better. MUCH BETTER.

Life Goes On…

Lately I have been reminded of how I tend to leave things with people. The person doing the reminding is not really in my life anymore and I am just wondering why they have to remind me in the first place. I am of the mindset, that it did not work, we had our time and now it is time to move on. I certainly have and I am happy and all the more better for it. The thing about this that kind of pisses me off a bit is that I was in this person’s life for a number of years and they did not see fit to keep me or make me feel welcome there, so as I said things ended and I’ve moved on and it is time for them to do so as well.

I wish them no ill will, but it is time to get your big boy underoos on and be a man for once. I am tired of always hearing how it was always someone else’s fault that you did not get what you thought you deserved or how your mom messed you up. Cause in my mind, we all have our issues and it is time to rise above them as best as we can and MOVE ON. You are in your 40’s now it is time to grow up for once and quit acting like a child. Child times are over and done with.

Having said all this won’t change a thing, I know. Nothing will change in this person’s life and I know that I got all the blame for the relationship or what ever it was at the end ( cause, it was not a relationship in my mind, it was two people who knew it was not gonna work but too lazy or afraid to change it). That is fine with me. I don’t care if you told everyone you know it was my fault. I am happy now and living the life I was meant to live. So, my friend, here is some unsolicited advice, life goes on, and so should we.